Girl, you have me confused...

I am confused, just a little bit. Okay, maybe more than just a little bit. We all know that I have a thing for Cecilia. We also know that it’s not enough of a thing to call it obsession: I lose no sleep over thoughts of her, I do not lose my appetite, and, although she is always on my mind, she is not all I think about it. This is the current place that I am in. I have also accepted the fact that there is a great chance that I will gain nothing from liking her or telling her that I have feelings for her. I have come to terms with this. It will not come as any surprise to me if it happens. What will surprise me is if it doesn’t turn out the way that I envisioned it to; that is to say, if it turns out that she is willing to take my hand and allow herself to fall for me.

This is where the confusion actually begins. During the last couple of weeks there have been slight changes in her character. Firstly, she stopped attending her classes 2 weeks before final exams were to begin. Sure I have known her for less than a year, but this didn’t seem to be something she was accustomed to doing. Secondly, she’s been slightly reclusive when it came to me and our mutual friends. She would not come out with us or would not call Julia or Lawrence, which, again, seemed a little out of character. Third of all, she called me the other day to thank me for the little present I left for her. She called me. That almost never happens, at least not often enough for me to expect it. I wasn’t expecting a thank you from her. Much appreciated, of course, but, once more, out of character..

I just don’t know what is happening with her. I sort of wish that we knew each other better but we all know that that is just not how our relationship goes. Every time I speak to her on the phone, I somehow get nervous and run out of things to say to her. What is it about her that makes me uncomfortable? It shouldn’t be like this at all. She is just like every other woman who has said no to me. And, I should just treat her as a friend, nothing more. I, however, just cannot stay away from her. I do not want to give up, like so many people might have in the past.
Oh, another thing. She called me the night before at 12 AM to return my call. That has never, ever happened. No one has ever returned my call that late except for my ex-girlfriend. It was a little jarring. It was just a little weird…And, I am still confused…