What have you done lately?

So the week is halfway done, and what have I accomplished? What has this whole entire week been for? Are the things I have set out to do for myself done? To be perfectly honest with you and with myself, I really haven't accomplished much this entire week. I would love to say that the problems that plagued me before I went on my much-needed, fairly-deserved week off have been done away with, finished, never to be seen again. Sadly, that is not the truth. Far from it. My life is still in the same state of atrophy and disarray it was in before I went on my quest to find meaning in my life. I am no more relaxed now than I was 5 days ago. If anything, I am slightly more alarmed now, seeing as my life has nowhere to go from this point on.

I am terrified of making the wrong moves in my life. The fear has gripped me so tightly that the fear of making any mistake is preventing me from doing any thing at all. It is preventing me from making a decision whether informed or spontaneous. Where my life might lead me is still just a gigantic mystery, the answer always seemingly out of reach. I have no clue as to where my life should lead me and what I should do to get there. But I definitely have to start somewhere or I will never get to where it is I plan on going.

There are, however, 2 things that I am very certain of: firstly, I do not want to do this on a more permanent basis; secondly, I want to go back to school and actually attain a sense of educational pride. My current job is no longer satisfying as I once thought it was. It has lost all luster and shine, and it holds no place in my heart anymore. There are too many days that I wish I am not doing what it is I am currently doing, working for the company I am currently working for. I am ready for a more stable, more routine-based workplace, where I am no longer responsible for the other individuals I work with, where their happiness and positive attitude is solely based on how easily they think they can get away with what they want.

The second thing is, perhaps, the more important of the 2, for achieving the second will allow me to assert my independence and permit me the freedom my soul has long craved. Sure, my parents no longer bother me the way that they used to, always calling to see where I am, always trying to make sure that I'm doing what I need to be doing. Going to school and finishing the major I am planning on taking is going to be the first step to the rest of my life. All I have to do now is figure out where that first step has to take place...If only you could help me out with my problems...