Here's a new idea...let me first copy it down...

It really is a funny thing. The more I think about what I know and the more I dwell on the things that escapes my arid lips the more meaningless and worthless each word uttered, each thought processed seem to be. Some will say that I am smart, maybe even brilliant (perhaps I am the only one who is willing to admit that), and yet, many of the things that people have heard me express towards them were ideas not of my own design. They have been taken from generations and centuries of men and women who have come before, pioneers who have forged the paths ahead for those of us, such as myself, who will come after.

There are still those of us who like to push the envelope, like to test the waters, like to think outside of the so-called box, like to go against the grain of society. To them I give my sincerest kudos, admiration, and praise. It is these people, these peers of mine, so fearless and headstrong, that will shape the world for the good or the bad. They will be the inspiration for the generations to come. They will be the ones students will study; they will be the ones who will create legends.

As I have stated in the previous paragraph, I believe that I am not such an individual. The thoughts pervading my being, the ones that become audible to many (though, not always of their own volition), are not my own. For certainty, I create my own interpretations and twist it to suit my diabolical needs but it does not make it unique or original or remotely "fresh". Even those who we label as being "slow" or incapable of original thought/understanding come up with things that will astound the most astute and make the most learned of us dumbfounded. I regurgitate the things I hear and pawn it off as my own.

There are many days, countless days, I envy the people who always have new ideas, always have something to present, a new way of looking at something long dismissed as ordinary. It is this innovative nature that I lack (among many other admirable and positive characteristics). I am tired of not being able to be "original," of not being sought after by the masses or even by the few for my eccentric way of looking at the world. Even envying those who can and do is not new. It is not my own idea. There are millions upon millions who envy the other millions upon millions. But, how does one go about being "original"? How do I develop my innovation to such a degree as to warrant attention, notice, or even a cursory glance?

Maybe, I am just thinking about this too much. I have too much free time to think about things such as these, and analyze and dissect this mere existence, this shadow of a life. And, too much spent thinking without acting is a waste of an individuals mental, physical, and emotional capacities. I should not rot away underneath all the thoughts swimming about inside my noggin. Put such thoughts to action, or, at the very least, into words that will motivate or inspire. Maybe neither, but at least aim for a reaction of sorts. Delight, surprise, joy, repulsion, revulsion, elation, consternation, relegation. Any of these things would be great to see from the people I come in contact with on a day-to-day basis. From individuals I barely know, to those that I have come to call friends are all unique and fresh in their thoughts, ideas, and stylings...Woe is I...