It's all clear now...like mud...

Fact of life: uncertainty rears its ugly head at all times and at the worst moments. I despise being uncertain in all things but more so in the realm of physical and romantic attraction. I loathe not knowing my next move, not being prepared for what will come, not knowing what to expect or what is to be expected of me. I do not like or enjoy changing plans in the last second to include somebody or change locales. It is infuriating beyond imagination and displays lack of commitment and/or understanding. It is an example of instability and inability to remain focus.

Relationships are doubly annoying. There are so many intangibles involved that when one appears or is referred to it always seems like new news. I do not refer to the duration of a romantic relationship but rather the steps that might lead to one. The development of feelings, the inconsistencies of speech and action, the inaccuracies of reports, and the constant assumptions are just a few things that this boy finds annoying and, frankly, is a waste of time. I understand that it is an innate part of courtship; one might even go so far as to call it necessary, but must it be so damn difficult? I guess it is not as fun nor is it as worth it if the work is not there to be put in.

Certainly, I could do without all the guesswork, the manipulation, and overabundant head games so consistent in such situations. But, if that is not to happen, I would just wish that I'd be able to tell who is infatuated with me...cause hoping just leads to nothing...most times...